Baby Got Back

Stop me before I blog again...

but really, when reading a local rabbi's LJ leads you to a YouTube video for a Gilbert & Sullivan version of Baby Got Back, how can you resist?

I can't!

So I wrote as follows:

"It loses something in the original"

--was the comment of a classicist friend of ours (who refers to himself as The Last Hellenized Jew), after we'd sent him the link to the translation of same into Ancient Greek.* He was puzzled, since although he's a decade or so older than us and likes AC/DC as well as classical music, his tastes in contemporary music apparently never extended to Sir Mix-a-lot, so he was unfamiliar with the song. When we sent him a link to it, he responded as above. Whereas our Yiddish-rapping friend Avigayl (a.k.a. Abby) had been part of the crew of Yiddish Book Center interns who had translated it into Yiddish; I've got her transcribed transliterated version somewhere still, which begins with the spoken intro: Oy, Rivke! Gib a kuk af ir tukhes! 's iz azoy groys! Ver farshteyt di rap-maydlekh, say-vi-say? 'Khob lib groyse tukhesn, 'kh ken nisht lign un azoy vayter (and so on)! *See http://www.languagehat.com/archives/000909.php if you're interested, for links to Latin and Greek* (and Geek) versions as well as for kvetching about the translations! Thanks for this amazing addition to the list of renditions that are an improvement on the original! *Link no longer works, but Internet Archive has it here. I can't seem to find an actual Yiddish version online, but I did find this"little ditty that ... [the LJer] first wrote about eight years ago, when the Yid-Hop movement was going strong...in the guise of Sir Mitz-vah-lot, who proceeds to tell the world which culture invented the concept of zaftig": And just for posterity, here are those immortal translation efforts (reproduction of same does not constitute or imply endorsement by MiriyaB of the translation efforts, grammar, sentiments, or mad rap skillz of the creators of the works found below): GREEK: ἡ παρθένος[1] καλλίπυγον ἐστί -- ὑπὸ[2] τοῦ Πόλλύ Μιγνύοντος, ὁ ἱππεύς The maiden has a well-formed butt, by the Much-Mixing One, the calvaryman credits μά τοῦς θεόυς By the Gods πρόσιδε τὴν πυγήν Look at her butt μέγιστη Superlatively large[3] ὡς παρθένος τοῦ ῥαψοδού βλέπει She looks like the maiden of a singer τίς τοιουτότροπους ἐννοεῖ; Who understands such people? μόνον ὡς τὸ τὴς πόρνης βλέπη ἐχούσα αὐτῄ λέγουσιν Only because she has the appearance of a prostitute do they speak with her περὶ τῄ πυγῄ λέγω About her butt I am speaking μέγιστη Superlatively large ὅτι μέγιστη εἴη οὐ πιστεύω So large it is, I cannot believe ὡς δῆλη ἐστί For it is conspicuous βδελυρά! Disgusting! ὅρα Look ὡς μέλαινα τό παρθενός How black the maiden � την μεγάλην πυγην ἐρῶ[4] καὶ ψευδής οὐκ εἰμί I love big butts and I am not being untruthful ὑμεῖς, οἱ κάσιοι, οὐκ ἀρνοῦ Y�all, the brothers, do not deny ἔπει ἡ τὸν μέσον μικρότατον ἔχουση ἔρχεται When the small-waist-having one comes in τὸ δε τοῦ ἀμφιτόρνου βλέπη ὁρᾷς, καὶ μετέωρος γίγνῃ And the round image you see, you get excited ὁ προσορῶν πρίνινος ἐπιθυμεῖς You desire to appear tough ὡς εἰδῶν For seeing την τῄ σκευῄ συνάπτουσαν πυγην The butt stuck to the apparel συνήθης εἰμί καί οὐ παύω εἰσβλέπειν I am accustomed and I do not stop staring ὦ παρθένος, σοῦ ὅμορος ἐπιθυμῶ εἶναι Oh maiden, having the same borders with you I wish to be και τό ζωγράφημα σοῦ ποιεῖν And make a drawing of you οἱ ἐμοῦ φίλοι ἐμοί ἐπεχειροῦν προλέγειν My friends attempted to warn me ὅμος ἡ σοῦ πύγη ἐμέ ἐγείρει Excited your butt makes me ὦ λεῖος χρώς Oh smooth skin λέγεις ὅτι τὸ γερμανικόν ἅρμα ἐπιθυμοῖς You say that you want my German chariot ἐμέ μεταχειρίζε, ἡ γὰρ σύντροφη αὐθάδης οὑκ εἶ Use me, for the normal fanatic you are not αὐτήν τήν χορεύμενην εἶδον I see her the dancing one τοῦ ἔρωτος ἐν τῷ Ἅιδῃ ἔσεσθαι ἐλπίζω I hope love is about to be in hell ἰδίει She sweats ὑγρή Wet αὐτή ὡς ἡ πετόμενη ἐστί She is like the flying one τά αἰσχρουγά γράμματα ἐμέ πιέζει The obscene drawn-things tire me τό τάς πλατείας πυγάς ἰδεῖν νόμιμον ἐστί The seeing of flat butts is normal ὡς ταῦτα ἐρεσόμενος ὁ σύντροφος Λίβυς Because the average African is asked these things ἡ μέγιστη νωτιαίπηρα ἔχει She has much back-bag ὧ ἄνδρες Oh men ναί Verily ἄνδρες Men ναί Verily ὡς τό ἡμῶν παρθένος τήν πυγήν ἔρχον ἐστί Because your maidens are the butt-having ones ΜΆΛΑ ΝΑΊ VERY VERILY σείου Shake yourself ναί Verily σείου Shake yourself ναί Verily τήν ὑγιᾶς πύγήν σείε Shake the healthy butt τό παρθένος τό νῶτον ἔχει The maiden has a back � back to top � � Translation by me. Inspired by this guy. Original lyrics here. [1] It's hard to say "woman" (or "man" for that matter) in Greek without some serious cultural overtones. This word basically means a girl who's of age, but is not yet married (and, implied, virginal). This is the best choice, as there is no generic word for "girl/woman," and the others either imply she's married or a child. [2] This construction is used to describe the agent of a passive verb, so I think it works [3] The superlative is generally the way one says �extremely� in Greek [4] Without getting into too much Greek philosophy, there are basically four different ways to say "love" in Greek; this one emphasizes the physical aspects, hence I thought it was fitting here LATIN: De clunibus magnis amandis oratio Mixaloti equitis mehercle! (By Hercules!) Rebecca, ecce! tantae clunes isti sunt! (Rebecca, behold! Such large buttocks she has!) amica esse videtur istorum hominum rhythmicorum. (She appears to be a girlfriend of one of those rhythmic-oration people.) sed, ut scis, (But, as you know) quis homines huiusmodi intellegere potest? (Who can understand persons of this sort?) colloquuntur equidem cum ista eo tantum, quod scortum perfectum esse videtur. (Verily, they converse with her for this reason only, namely, that she appears to be a complete whore.) clunes, aio, maiores esse! (Her buttocks, I say, are rather large!) nec possum credere quam rotondae sint. (Nor am I able to believe how round they are.) en! quam exstant! nonne piget te earum? (Lo! How they stand forth! Do they not disgust you?) ecce mulier Aethiops! (Behold the black woman!) magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri. (Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter.) quis enim, consortes mei, non fateatur, (For who, colleagues, would not admit,) cum puella incedit minore medio corpore (Whenever a girl comes by with a rather small middle part of the body) sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos (Beneath which is an obvious spherical mass, that it inflames the spirits) virtute praestare ut velitis, notantes bracas eius (So that you want to be conspicuous for manly virtue, noticing her breeches) clunibus profunde fartas(*1) esse (Have been deeply stuffed with buttock?) a! captus sum, nec desinere intueri possum. (Alas! I am captured, nor am I able to desist from gazing.) o dominola mea, volo tecum congredi (My dear lady, I want to come together with you) pingereque picturam tui. (And make a picture of you.) familiares mei me monebant (My companions were trying to warn me) sed clunes istae libidinem in me concitant. (But those buttocks of yours arouse lust in me.) o! cutis rugosa glabraque! (*2) (O skin wrinkled and smooth!) dixistine te in meum vehiculum intrare velle? (Did you say you wish to enter my vehicle?) in arbitrio tuo totus veni (I am entirely at your disposal) quia non es mediocris adsecula. (Because you are not an average hanger-on.) vidi illam saltantem.(*3) (I have seen her dancing.) obliviscere igitur blanditiarum! (*3a) (Forget, therefore, about blandishments!) tantus sudor! tantus umor! (Such sweat! Such moisture!) vehor quasi in curru quadrigarum! (*4) (I am borne along as if by a four-horse chariot!) taedet me in diurnis legendi (I am tired of reading in the gazettes) planas clunes gratiores iudicari. (That flat buttocks are judged more pleasing.) rogate quoslibet Aethiopes: responsum erit (Ask any black men you wish: the answer will be) se libentius expletiores (*5) anteponere. (Rather that they prefer fuller ones.) o consortes (quid est?) o consortes (quid est?) (O colleagues [What is it?] O colleagues [What is it?]) habent amicae vestrae magnas clunes? (certe habent!) (Do your girlfriends have large buttocks? [They certainly have!]) hortamini igitur ut eas quatiant (ut quatiant!) (Encourage them therefore to shake them! [To shake them!]) ut quatiant! (ut quatiant!) (To shake them! [To shake them!) ut quatiant illas clunes sanas! (To shake those healthy buttocks!) domina mea exstat a tergo! (*6) (My mistress stands out behind!) [Etc.] _______ (*1) Any apparent connection with flatulence, even in this context, is purely coincidental. (*2) The original doesn't make much sense either. Is it a cellulite reference? -- ADDENDUM Nov. 14, 2003 : The reading of the text here is a problem which has much exercised the scholarly community, with attempts to explain "rumpled smooth skin," or to suggest that it is a pun (a lame one, if you ask me) on Rumplestiltskin. The likeliest reading is "rub her smooth skin" (cutem glabram eius tere [or terere volo]). Now, there are ten pages of comments below, and a great many of them are devoted to this matter. Please familiarize yourself with the status quaestionis before making your own contribution. -- UPDATE 12/9/03: a reader tells us that Sir Mixalot's official site confirms the lyrics "rub all of that smooth skin." I am therefore willing to declare the matter solved, and wish to hear no more of it. Thank you. (*3) Or saltare? (*3a) I can find no obvious Latin expression that implies "romantic courtship." -- ADDENDUM 10/14/03: Amores has been suggested, but that can also be used for purely sexual liaisons, which is clearly the goal here, and so not to be thus dismissed. (*4)All right, how would you say "got it goin' like a Turbo 'Vette"? And what exactly is "goin'" here? I have chosen to understand that the unnamed woman's extraordinary callipygy has inspired a primal response in the narrator, rather than that she "has got it goin' on," i.e., that she "is all that" -- although the later lines (not included here) concerning Fonda's Honda and the speaker's anaconda can, ultimately, be invoked in support of either interpretation. -- ADDENDUM 10/24/03: I have heard from several readers that the music video suggests that this line should rather be interpreted along the lines of "she shakes her posterior most vigorously." (*5) Or uberiores? Although that's perhaps better reserved for a different fetish. (*6) This line is not as succinct as the original, to be sure. -- ADDENDUM 10/24/03: I wish I'd said puella here, as domina suggests a power relationship different from the English original. UPDATE, later that same day: Thanks to Nepenthe for pointing out that the lyrics link I had up here (to letssingit.com, which avoid) led to multiple pop-ups that install software without informing you. I've found one that seems to be pop-up free: but then my browser didn't respond to the other ones, either. (This means, of course, that I translated a different transcription of the lyrics, and it might not match. Yeah, that's a good explanation.) Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback, which has been overwhelming. UPDATE 10/13/03: For the rest of the song, see ukelele's version here. UPDATE 10/15/03: Thanks again to everyone who has expressed approval, admiration, and/or promised sexual gratification; you're all very kind. I note that my "friend of" list has nearly doubled, and this is wicked cool, although I can't promise I'll have a chance to add you back immediately, as I like to read over other journals before adding them, and this takes time, and if your journal consists mainly of quiz results or Powerpuff Girls slash, I will probably pass; sorry. The above translation probably makes it seem as though I have an endless supply of time, to be sure, but sadly, it is not so. This also means that if you've added my journal in hopes for more of this sort of thing, it may be something of a wait, and you're more likely to get "this weekend I studied for a bit and then I watched a movie and it was okay." --- NEW! mishak, whose probably-not-serious request led to this whole thing, decided he wanted a t-shirt out of this. You can get one too on his Cafe Shop here. [MiriyaB comment: clearly, the thing to get would be the boxer shorts or thong!] "YID-HOP": Here is a little ditty that I found while I was cleaning my room. It seems that I first wrote it about eight years ago, when the Yid-Hop movement was going strong. I wrote this in the guise of Sir Mitz-vah-lot, who proceeds to tell the world which culture invented the concept of zaftig! Anyway, I decided to update some of the topical references in the song for the new millennium. Of course, if you learned Yiddish with a different dialect than I did, some of the vowel quantities might seem weird to you. However, I think you can still appreciate the Yid-flow to it even if it sounds like it shouldn't rhyme to you. If I can find a instrumental track, I might actually produce an MP3 of this song or something...Without further ado, I present "Baby got Tuchus (2003 Re-mix)" by Sir Mitz-vah-lot [Intro] Oh my god, Gwen, look at her butt It is so big She looks like one of those yeshiva guys' girlfriends Who understands those yeshiva guys They only talk to her because she looks like a total JAP, ok? I mean her butt It's just so big I can't believe it's so round It's just out there I mean, it's gross Look, she's just so....Jewish! [Verse] I like gezunta tuchus and I cannot lie You other bucherim can't deny That when a maydel walks in with an itty-bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung Wanna pull up front Cuz you notice that tuchus was stuffed Deep in the kleyd she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh, baby I wanna get with ya And have you meet my mishpokhe My rabbi tried to warn me But with that tuchus you got (Oy, me so horny!) Ooh, rump-of-smooth-stein You say you wanna get in my Benz Well use me, use me, cuz you ain't your average tchotchke I've heard my parents talk The hell with a shiddach She shana, kleyna, got it goin' like a Tupperware container. I'm tired of magazines saying that zaftig ain't tha thing Take the average Hebrew and ask him that She gotta pack much back, so Boychicks? (yeah), boychicks? (yeah) Has your bashert got the tuchus? (hell yeah) Well shake it, (shake it,) shake it, (shake it,) shake that healthy tush Baby got tuchus (Newton face with Brookline booty) [Verse] I like'em round and big And when I'm throwin' a gig I just can't help myself I'm actin like an behayma Right up in all my beyner I wanna get you home And ugh, shmooze it up ugh, ugh But I ain't talkin' about Tolstoy Cuz War and Peace is so hoi polloi I wann'em real thick and geshmock So geshmock I eat it with a gupple Mitz-vah-lot's in trouble Beggin' for a piece of that bubble So I'm lookin' at rock videos Watchin' these shiksas walkin' like kurvahs You can have them nafkas I'll keep my women like Rivkah A word to the zaftig Semite sistas I wanna get with ya I won't cuss or hit ya But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna shtup Till the break of dawn Baby, I got it goin on A lot of shaygetses won't like this song Cuz them punks like to zetz and quit it But I'd rather stay and play Cuz I'm long and I'm strong And it's a mitzvah to get the friction on So maydels (yeah), maydels (yeah) If you wanna taste my knaydls (yeah) Then turn around Stick it out Even goyim got to shout Baby got tuchus (Newton face with the Brookline booty) Yeah baby When it comes to females The shadchen got nothin to do with my selection 36-24-36 Heh Only if she's not meshugge. So your girlfriend rolls a Honda Playin' workout tapes by Fonda But Fonda ain't nuthin' but a big ol' shanda My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hon You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt Some brothers wanna play that hard role and tell you that a shana tuchus ain't gold So they toss it and leave it And I pull up quick to retrieve it So Dr. Atkins says you're fat Well I ain't down with that Cuz your waist is small and your curves are kickin' And I'm thinkin' bout schtupin' To the beanpole dames in Hadassah magazine You ain't it Miss Thang Give me a sista I can't resist her Schmaltz and gribbenes didn't miss her Some bulvon tried to dis Cuz his girls were on my list He had game but he chose to quit 'em And I pulled up quick to get with 'em So ladies if the tuchus is round And you wanna fully kosher throw down Dial 1-900-Mitz-Vah-Lot and kick them nasty thoughts Baby got tuchus GEEK: Baby Got Rack My tribute to geeky women. With apologies to Sir Mix-a-Lot. :) Baby Got Rack ~Talking~ Oh my god Becky, look at her laptop It is sooo big She looks like one of those geek guys' girlfriends But y'know, who understands those geek guys? They only talk to her because she looks like a total nerd I mean, her laptop, it's just sooo big I can't believe it's so square, it's like out there I mean -- it's gross Look, she needs some... sun! ~Rapping~ I like big procs and I cannot lie; You other coders can't deny That when a girl logs in with a Gigafloppin' RISC And solid state for its disk You get sprung Wanna pull up tough 'Cause you noticed that rack was stuffed! Deep in the slots, it's RAID 5 And a T-3 just to stay live Oh, baby I wanna log in ya And scan your picture. My yuppies tried to warn me But that rack you got Makes me so horny Case paint of smooth tan You say you wanna get in my van? Well use me, use me, So long as I get an I.D. I've seen her typin' On azithromycin. She's a shrill pill, Got it flowin' with the VapoChill. I'm tired of magazines Saying minitowers are the thing. Take the average tech man and ask him that; She gotta pack much rack. So Fellas (yeah) Fellas (yeah) Has your girlfriend got the proc? (Hell yeah) Tell her work it (work it), work it (work it), Work that beefy proc; Baby got rack. (Mini-Rap -- HP case with a liquid coolant) I like 'em big, and square, And when I'm throwin' an error I just can't help myself I'm actin' like my manager (Now *he's* a scavenger!) I wanna get you home And mount, double-up, mount, mount! I ain't talkin' Playstation 'Cause silicon chips are made to run! I want 'em four to a module: So find that MP backplane; Stronae's had some eyestrain Goin' for the shortest path endgame. So I'm lookin' at users' woes: Pointy-haired techs talkin' through their nose? They can have Bill's Windows; Unix better works our egos. A word to the goth and geeky I wanna get with thee I won't demodulate thee But I gotta be straight when I say I just need [video game explosion] 'Til a quarter past three Baby gotta keep it real Corporate Veeps won't like this peal 'Cause them suits just like to abuse it But I'd still support your port 'Cause I ping, on token ring, And I'm down to get you networking! So Honeys (yeah), Honeys (yeah) Wanna roll my Town and Country? (yeah) Then hook it up -- Blow it out -- Even rednecks got to shout: Baby got rack. Baby got rack. Yeah baby, When it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Only if she's got a P-4...! So your girlfriend wears green lipstick Playin' songs by some grunge beatnick. That maverick ain't got the bandwidth to support her toy NIC; My Wingman joystick don't want none unless you got hubs, hon! You can do installs or backups, but please don't lose that proc. Some gamers wanna play it solo And reject your parallel flow, So they clock it, and unlock it, And I pull up quick to resocket. So Cosmo says you're weird Well that ain't to be feared 'Cause your specs are large and your box is hummin' And I'm thinkin' about comin' To your home with UPSes (The power's yours, my Miss!) With an admin I can't react when She privileges my login. Some businessman tried to spam 'Cause his girls were on my LAN. He had 'net but he sniffed their session And I show 'em how to V-PN. So ladies if the case is square And you wanna dirty chat room lair Hash s-t-r-o-n-a-e And type them nasty thoughts Baby got rack. Baby got rack. Pale in the vale but she got much rack... Pale in the vale but she got much rack... Pale in the vale but she got much rack... Pale in the vale but she got much rack...

Jewish Vampires, Why Not?

(why, oh why, do I get wrapped up in these kinds of conversations??? about how one would play a Jewish vampire character in a role-playing game set in Antioch at the time of the first crusade ...and having noted that the first person to respond is a rabbi of our acquaintance, I clearly just had to chime in:)

Sure, she can be a vampire who's a Jew--just not one who's an entirely halachically observant & consistent one--a description that's rare enough even in the non-undead Jewish community. ;) Even at the time of the First Crusade I'm sure there were a good number of Jews in Antioch who were eating things the rabbis wouldn't approve of (and drinking wine they wouldn't approve of, and sleeping with people they wouldn't approve of...). So she's no worse off than many others who keep some or even most of their community's norms but fall short in some areas.

On points that others have raised below or on the other thread:
I'm not up on all the vampire lore, but especially if vampires don't have to have died to be undead, I'm not convinced that halacha wouldn't apply to her character: can't you become a vampire by being bitten by one (without necessarily dying?)--and then you won't die, as long as you follow the, er, halachos of vampire survival re: drinking blood as needed, staying out of the sun, keeping wooden stakes out of your heart, and avoiding garlic and crosses [if you're a vampire in a Christian context]?

If vampires aren't the agents of the Devil/sitra achara (Other Side), and are just another category of being (maybe their cruciphobia is socially/culturally conditioned?), then I don't think she'd necessarily react badly to or be repelled by Jewish holy objects like a Sefer Torah -- though the mikvah-water ideas are interesting, either as atonement/purification option (I like it! very consistent with the general rabbinic/normative halachic approach to niddah as well as to its Biblical precendents re: body-fluid-boundary-disruption-rectification for women [re: vaginal/uterine blood] and men [re: seminal emissions] and both [re: "leprosy" problems]) or as thing-to-avoid (which picks up on the Christian-holy-water-avoidance aspect as well as on the Wicked Witch of the West "I'm melting!" aspect...though neither one is very Jewish!).

If she can subsist on blood from kosher animals, and/or can drink the blood of other humans when necessary for her survival without killing them and with their permission (is this possible, without turning them into vampires? is turning someone vampire, even if they say they don't mind, a violation of halacha because it's doing them harm--or could it be doing them a favor?), then I would think that doing so would be halachically permissable under the principle of pikuach nefesh, preserving life -- though the question again arises, then, of whether a vampire has "life" and whether the character's nefesh (soul, "breath of life") has been eliminated or endangered morally/ethically/spiritually by her becoming a vampire. My initial reaction is to think that she does have "life," albeit a different kind from that of most adult Jews who are bound by halachah. But if this is also the case for others in special conditions (e.g., someone in a permanent vegetative state or coma), for whom the ordinary strictures of halacha are abrogated when necessary to preserve their life, then I don't see why a Jewish vampire wouldn't be halachically empowered to drink the blood of kosher animals (as you say, preferably after shechting them herself, or making good friends with a local shochet who can get her what she needs) when necessary. And I'd think that if she's a person (even a vampiric one), she's still got a nefesh/soul. But I wouldn't pretend to know how the vampire lore that comes from Christian (or Christianized, even if from pagan folkloric sources) contexts fits or doesn't fit with concepts from Jewish tradition on the soul, life, etc. Besides the Golem (which was never living to begin with), ghosts (which presumably have no physical bodies and are definitely dead first rather than immortal "undead"), dybbuks (which inhabit the bodies of others but otherwise have no physical bodies of their own), and demons (which may take physical form but were never human to begin with), does Jewish tradition have any physically-concrete immortal/returned-from-the-dead/undead human beings? Vampires, zombies, unnaturally long-lived individuals (besides Methusaleh and other folks early in the book of Genesis, for whom it was presumably natural to have such a long lifespan--plus Serach bat Asher,) -- have we got any of those in our folklore or legends?

The wonderful French Jewish comics artist Joann Sfar has a series called Petit Vampire (Little Vampire)--and whether or not his little vampire is Jewish, one of his friends definitely is Jewish, and has the following conversation with the Flying Dutchman:

"I was kinda hoping you'd make me swear on a skull or something."
--"You want to swear a pirate's oath? All right."
"I swear to devote my life to protecting the dead and keeping their memory. And if I break my word, may a thousand curses befall me."
--"Now do the sign of the cross."
"No. I can't do that."
--"It would give more strength to your oath."
"But I'm Jewish, Captain. The cross doesn't mean much to me."
--"Do the sign of the star in that case."
"We don't do that either. And I don't believe much in God. 'Cause my parents are dead."
--"You're a bit young to believe in nothing."
"Well, maybe he exists, Captain, but after what he did to me, I don't feel like I owe him anything."
--"You should think about all that some more. Sad times often open miraculous doorways."

A Meditation on Home

In response to an LJ post on the nature of home by someone who's been my friend since 1985 :

Wherever we're together, that's my home...

Sometime in the last few weeks I heard Billy Joel's "You're My Home" again.* And at the risk of being uber-corny, there's a certain amount of truth to its sentiments, for friends (and food too, sure!) as much as--if not more so than!--for Significant Others. On recent visits to Places We Wouldn't Mind Living** where our various friends have remained (New Haven) or landed (Philadelphia) or both (Athens, GA), I've said within a day or so (if not hour or so!) of arrival, "hey, you could get a job at ______ [academic institution] and I could get a job in the Jewish community and we could live here!!!" ... at least, until something happens to sober me up to the reality that this town is Not So Perfect (getting mugged at gunpoint in New Haven; getting fed up with the crappy road conditions/signage in Philly; dealing with drunken college students on the nighttime streets of Athens) and I realize that it's just that I like being around our amazing friends!!! If you moved back to DC, I would be a very happy camper. New York, Philly, and most of the East Coast remain within easy and relatively cheap reach by train, bus, car, and discount airline, so wall-climbing should be avoidable. :) There have been several times this summer when I've thought, "I really love this town. I wouldn't mind staying here! If there are to be any sprats, I wouldn't mind them growing up here like their mama. Sure, it's expensive & all, but hey! It is my hometown, and it's got a lot going for it!" (Funny: I, too, don't think of it as "home"--at least not yet--but I do think of it as "my hometown," more so than Louisville though I do say sometimes I'm "from Kentucky" as well as "from DC" or "Northern Virginia/Arlington.") The more friends of ours move here from elsewhere (Ruth! Amy L!), or move back here after being away (speedlime!), or we meet people we like in town (some AU colleagues + some shul and Jewish community people!), the more like "home" it begins to feel. Wherever we're together--with people who make it feel like a place we would like to stay, like a real community--that's our home. *Actually, it was almost certainly on one of my-and-Mike's many June anniversaries, probably June 26 [on which we met 20 years ago] or possibly June 24 [on which we saw each other again, as boyfriend & girlfriend, for the 1st time in 2 years, 18 years ago], because he was playing the tape I made him in high school of, um, "our songs" [please do not gakk; apologies for smooshyness] and it's on there. (They're not all sappy: it's got R.E.M. and The Pixies and The Who and The Sex Pistols and Guns 'n' Roses and INXS and stuff on it, so it's mostly not Romantic Floofy Stuff...) **The category of Places We Wouldn't Mind Living generally excludes: -- NYC: it has too little green space, & we have too little of the Long Green, to make living there comfortable for us; --Atlanta: we love our friends there, and it's near Mike's family, but it otherwise seems a set of soulless traffic-jam-laden concentric circles of suburban whitebreaditude surrounding a hot muggy concrete dubious corporate skyscrapered New South downtown concrete jungle ("sometimes you just wanna say it/ the New South/ is an old lie/ you can smell it in the reconstructed dirt/ and you can read it in that skinny girl's eyes--/ the one wearing the brand-new Jesus Christ T-shirt" -- one of my favorite verses from "Katie" [alas, not up on http://www.scottdownes.com/songs, since it was part of the Snake Oil Salesmen repertoire and has not been revisited/resurrected on singer-songwriter Scott Downes's solo projects website]); --Houston: see above, only we know fewer people there and it's not near most of our friends or relatives; --Boston: I had my 4 years of 6-foot-snowpiles on the streetcorners and a winter that lasts from October until April or early May. Plus it has some of the worst road signage and drivers in the U.S. of A. No thanks! (We could be convinced, and we know lots of great people there, but I'd be happy if we never lived further north than New Haven again...); --Louisville: it's okay, and my brother & his fiancee (who are cool peeps & fun to hang out with) and my uncle/aunt/cousin (ditto) and my parents and grandmother (who are, well, family!) all live there -- but it ain't all THAT exciting, and the academic institutions & Jewish community that are there would be a step down, not up, from where Mike is currently teaching & where we are currently living...

Can't Complain? Won't Complain!

(not going to be easy...but yeah, I'm planning to try out being on the AComplaintFreeWorld bandwagon. Here's what I've just written as my column for the August issue of our synagogue newsletter where I work:)

Can’t Complain? Won’t Complain!

“The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.” I’m not convinced! Studies say optimists live longer. Even if negativity doesn’t shorten my life, it robs it of depth and breadth—of richness, creativity, and joy.

You may see me sporting a purple wristband that says “Spirit.” I’m not on the Pep Squad: I’m taking up the challenge to refrain from complaining for 21 days in a row. When I catch myself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, I’ll move the wristband from one arm to the other and re-start my count from the beginning. I know it’ll be difficult (who knows whether I’ll succeed before 5768 is over!), but it will be worth it. Every time I keep myself from negative or harmful speech—or catch myself in the act and move toward correcting it—I will be working to shape my life and my community with positive intentions.

A pastor in Kansas City started up this practice—so what’s Jewish about it? Plenty!

The month of Elul has long been a time for reflection and moral self-improvement. We should be devoting the 40 days from Rosh Chodesh Elul to Yom Kippur to teshuvah (repentance)—so trying for just 21 days is actually giving myself a break!

Judaism focuses on actions and consequences, not just on intentions. If you speak kindly, your act of chesed deserves praise. If you meant to help a friend by pointing out a problem, but you spoke tactlessly and made her feel bad, the negative power of your words is not erased by your good intentions. We can only grow as individuals and as a community if we recognize our faults—but all of us, being only human, find even constructive criticism more palatable when sweetened with the right words. How can I try to make my well-meaning comments not come off as complaints? Before offering suggestions for improvement, I should first praise what has been done well, acknowledge the shared hopes that lead us to seek better ways together, and show patience with the failings of myself and others.

The Torah recognizes that we all need help remembering our ideals. After Sinai, the Israelites are told to put tzitzit (fringes) on their garments, so that “you will see them and be reminded of all the Lord's commandments, and fulfill them, and not be seduced by your heart nor led astray by your eyes” (Numbers 15:39). Likewise, the purple wristband should help me call to mind my chosen commitments to my community.

When we fall short, how do we overcome our past mistakes? Maimonides gives the following steps for meaningful repentance: 1) identifying the transgression (my negative speech is lashon ha-ra, “evil tongue”); 2) regretting it (I’m sorry for the ways I’ve hurt others with complaints or criticism); 3) resolving not to do it again (I’m using this purple bracelet as a visible reminder not to speak negatively); and finally, 4) acting differently when the chance to fall into the same bad behavior presents itself (if I can use my tongue wisely for 21 days in a row, that’ll be a good start!).

When I’ve kept my purple band on one wrist for 21 days, my life may not be longer, but it will be better: “happier, more loving, more positive and more abundant” (AComplaintFreeWorld.org). Ken y’hi ratzon – so may it be God’s will!

Independence Day bits & bobs

A smattering of my postings du jour from around the interwebnet :

• We were actually herded off of the National Mall from 5pm until 7+pm because of thunderstorms. They chased us all into the surrounding museums (we chose the Sackler b/c it has an exhibit my mom had wanted to see), which should have been closing at 5:30 but stayed open (though the lights went out --on the automatic timers!--around 6pm on several floors of the Sackler, and it took them at least 20 min to get them back up) until the point when they got the all-clear and could close up the museum and chase us all back out again...

• Over here:

It's easy to forget how uncertain the future of this new nation seemed, and how very much stood in our way. Even the optimists among the founders might have thought it would be too much to hope, to think that their creation, with its "new birth of liberty," would be here to celebrate its 231st birthday.

I've had a thing or two to say on SunDog's other 4th of July thread and no1's To All the Vets thread --

but I'll go ahead and say some of it again --

Happy 4th to all!

I am thinking right now of all that America meant to the poet and writer Stephen Vincent Benét -- he was no politician, but to me he understood what our country is, has been, and can be better than any other thinker I know (though yes, de Tocqueville, Crevecoeur, Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Lincoln, Walt Whitman, Langston Hughes, and more had some pretty darn good ideas & words for us too!).

My father loves Benét's work, and gave me a middle name (Melora) after a character in his epic poem John Brown's Body...but he also gave me this shared dream of our country, and a shared sense of pride in its successes and responsibility for its failings -- with the power and the obligation to work to sustain the former and redress the latter.

I've posted an excerpt from his Independence Day 1941 radio drama "Listen to the People" over in the thread To All the Vets, and I'll just share part of it here with you now (with emphasis on some of my favorite lines):

We made this thing, this dream,
This land unsatisfied by little ways,
This peaceless vision, groping for the stars,
Not as a huge devouring machine
Rolling and clanking with remorseless force
Over submitted bodies and the dead
But as live earth where anything could grow,
Your crankiness, my notions and his dream,
Grow and be looked at, grow and live or die.
But get their chance of growing and the sun.
We made it and we make it and it's ours.
We shall maintain it. It shall be sustained.

Happy Independence Day to everyone, all around the world --

today we Americans celebrate the creation of this nation,
but it is also the creation of a certain kind of dream that has inspired many across the globe:

a dream of free women and men, bound by a common hope rather than a common bloodline or territory,
free to dream their own dreams and to put their hands to making them a reality
for themselves and for their children, for those they know and those they have never met,
for those who share their language and culture and for those who seek refuge here as strangers in a strange land--
until they find their home here, create their home here, both joining and transforming our common dream.

We shall maintain it. It shall be sustained.

• (edited from here)

I love the national ideals that our flag embodies--

but I fear and deplore what some have done in its name or under its cover, and I will fight to maintain that it belongs to me and to others as much as to them.
...
I love the flag because it is a symbol of our nation -- the "land of the free and the home of the brave," yes, but I actually prefer the words of "America the Beautiful," because to me they speak more powerfully and fully to what our nation is and is about (particularly the sections I italicize here):

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassion'd stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness.

America! America!
God mend thine ev'ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for heroes prov'd
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life.

America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev'ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.


(lyrics by Katherine Lee Bates;
music composed by Samuel A. Ward)

A Little Bit of History....
The lyrics to this beautiful song were written by Katharine Lee Bates (1859-1929) an instructor at Wellesley College, Massachusetts, after an inspiring trip to the top of Pikes Peak, Colorado, in 1893. Her poem, America the Beautiful first appeared in print in The Congregationalist, a weekly journal, on July 4, 1895. Ms. Bates revised the lyrics in 1904 and again in 1913. In addition to those changes in the words, it is notable that the poem was not always sung to the tune presented on this website ("Materna," composed by Samuel A. Ward in 1882, nearly a decade before the poem was written). In fact, for two years after it was written it was sung to just about any popular or folk tune that would fit with the lyrics, with "Auld Lang Syne" being the most notable of those. The words were not published together with "Materna" until 1910, and even after that time, the tune to be used was challenged to some degree. For example, in 1926 the National Federation of Music Clubs held a contest to put the poem to new, reportedly "less somber," music, but no other entry was determined to be more acceptable. Before her death in 1929, Ms. Bates never indicated publicly which music she liked best, but it now appears likely that America the Beautiful will forever be associated with "Materna."
(source)

Ikh hob lib yidish (un RUSH!)

Sholem-aleykhem, yidish-redners!

Ikh bin geven afn konsert fun RUSH nekhtn in Nissan Pavilion -- un ikh hob getrogt mayn "REDT MIT MIR YIDISH" knepl [button: tsi nutst men dos vort af pin-button un nisht nor af kleyder-knepl?] af mayn "RUSHTOUR.COM" hemdl. (Vayls 's iz mer kheynevdik vi mayn "MAYDELE" hemdl, vos iz a bisl groys af mir.) Baym hofsoke hob ikh bashlisn az ikh darf es gebn tsu Geddy Lee (der zinger un basist), vos is a flisik yidish-redner (zayn eltern hobn geshtamt fun Poyln, un hobn ibergelebt di lagers un gevoynt in Toronto). Azoy hob ikh es gegebn -- mit eyn fun mayne arbet-kartlekh af dem -- tsu eyn shoymer [? security guard] vos hot gezogt az er vet ez gebn tsu emetsn vos ken es im gebn. Nohkn konsert hor er gezogt az er hot es gegebn dem tour manager, vos hot gezogt az er vet es gebn tsu Geddy. Az, ver veyst!

Afn kartl hob ikh geshribn mayn kontakt-informatsye (arayngerekht di dozike blog-adres, az: oyb du leynst dos, Geddy--a grus aykh un di gantse mishpokhe!), un oykhet di datn fun Yidish-Vokh 2007 un www.yugntruf.org far informatsye. Vayl ikh meyn az oyb Geddys mame hot lib tsu zayn mit andere yidish-redners in a sheynem ort, volt zi take hanoe hobn fun Y-V. Un oyb ir zun (oder zin: mistome zayn bruder redt yidish oykhet) vil kumen...dos volt geven gor sheyn un a shpas!

Mikhl-Avrom hot mir gekoyft a bas mit a vokh tsurik. Ikh ken vern a musikant un nisht nor a zinger/vokalist! (lol) Az, itst muzn mir zikh greytn tsu zayn a gute "cover band" far zakhn af yidish -- RUSH lider, dakht zikh, ober mir hobn oykhet an interes in farshidene andere (Pat Benatar: oftmol zingt Mikhl-Avrom af yidish nor di shure "mir loyfn mit di shotns fun der nakht"; ua"v). :)

Ikh kuk shtark aroys af di ha-yorike Yidish-Vokh. Mir hobn es farfeln di letste 2 yor, un dos is geven a shod. Az ha-yor viln mir kumen af di sof-vokh, un ikh meyn az 's darf zayn meglekh!

Midrash, metaphor, and Messiah

A "Liberal Buddhist Agnostic Christian"(did I get that right, Scott?) of my online acquaintance has posted a discussion about midrash (and how it might affect understandings of the New Testament) on some messageboards I frequent. In the ensuing discussion, I added the following in response to a more traditional Christian's post:

A quick thought from a Jew, not a Christian:

Understanding some of the gospel accounts midrashically can add to our common Scriptural ground, where you & I "agree to disagree" about Jesus as the son of God/a divine member of the Trinity vs. as a gifted human teacher. I have no particular stake in persuading you that Jesus did not, say, turn water into wine, walk on water, raise Lazarus from the dead -- just as I have no particular stake in persuading some Orthodox Jews that the Torah we have is not the product of God's dictation to Moses on Mount Sinai, or that Abraham and Sarah observed the Jewish dietary laws and other elements of halakhah (Jewish law) long before they were revealed at Sinai [which is a story contained in Jewish midrash]. But if I don't believe those things, a midrashic understanding of them gives us some common basis on which we can discuss them as having spiritual significance, rather than my saying "well, I don't believe that's literally true, so it's false/nonsense/'a lie.'" My main academic background is in literary interpretation (and in Jewish Studies: so I do read Hebrew, some Greek, and a little Aramaic [at this point], as well as Yiddish, Spanish, French, some German, and can make my way with Italian and some medieval/simpler Latin) -- most of the texts I love and that say, to me, "true" things about the world, are fiction or poetry: their facts are not always literally true (even real experiences put into a poem or story may be altered in some way), but that doesn't mean that they're false. Plato thought this was the case (poets are liars, so they get banished from his Republic) -- but I disagree. :)

That said, since I'm NOT a scholar of the New Testament I can't speak definitively without more research, but I suspect that at least some of Jesus's followers and those who wrote down or transmitted the Gospel accounts did in fact believe in a more "literal" understanding of what we see there: that Jesus really did turn water into wine, or heal the sick. Some people believe in various kinds of miraculous occurrences today: faith healing, miraculous rescue, divine apparitions in everyday objects, etc. Schmoo and I may see such things more metaphorically, but that doesn't mean there aren't others that do take them literally. But our willingness to see them as important -- rather than saying, as a pure logical rationalist might, that such stories only show the folly of believers and how duped they are -- means that we can share in a common love and exploration of these religious texts and traditions with you.

The New Testament is not part of my religious tradition, except inasmuch as it grows out of it -- it is, however, part of my cultural and literary heritage as part of the Western world, and I treasure it for both of these aspects.

Shalom,

MiriyaB